Your thirties tend to be a time of reflection on the larger things of life--your job, relationship, finance. Its often the time one "wakes up" and thinks.." is this all.?..."Is this what I want?" Your life has generally settled down into routine--but the routine whilst it can be good is also unsettling. Its a time when moving house is a big job--new schools for the kids, bigger demands on your finances--all this at a time when you are under pressure at work--will I get the promotion, do I want to be a welder till I retire etc.,is it too late to go to university/college, could I afford it , what will my partner/children think? Does this resonate with you? People have started families later and later , well into their thirties and indeed into their forties, but this gives a relationship even more of a battering. If I have a baby do I stay at home, can we afford it, do I want too,can we afford childcare and on and on it goes. Its no wonder that masses of couples give it up and move on. But again that brings its own pressures and problems. So whats the answer to dealing with these problems? Its communication, communication, communication, mixed with a great deal of honesty, with yourself, as well as with your partner and sometimes with your whole family. Be honest with yourself first -- if you can't do this how do you think you will deal with everybody else? But you need to demonstate this honesty because what you also need is honesty from your partner and/or your family and you wont get it unless you model it yourself. You don't want to be told what they think you want to hear--you want honesty. But can you deal with it? Its not constructive to lose your temper and storm off or sulk , or try to manipulate folks, because they are not telling you what you want to hear, they don't agree that this is the best time to sell up, buy a boat and sail round the world. Especially as the kids have exams soon, dentist appointments, boyfriends/girlfriends, and they don't want to stay with Grandma for the next 5 years. You've got to be straight. This is hard to do, you might not get the support you thought they would give you. Then you need to re-examine, is it ok to put dreams on hold, what about their dreams,can you change things by a little bit a time, do you want to? Is your relationship what you want, is it growing with you or is it becoming a straitjacket and stifling you.What do I want to do about it? These are very hard questions, and the answers could change your life completely. This applies to all relationships straight and gay , religious or secular. |
